AmyTownsend (amytownsend) wrote,


Ok as i have posted on here previously i would love to be an actor. I love all the comradarie that comes with being in a movie, the friendships everything but mostly (because i write, i think) because i love being able to put myself into another world. i just like everything that seems to come with it. The fame doesnt bother me, if anything its the part that drives me away from it. The money would be nice but its not whats drawing me to it. You would have to be insanely famous to have the level of money that would require you to not have a care in the world about your spending.

Anyway, i like to say that i dont care what people think and with most things i dont, but when it comes to worrying if people will think im bad at something (like say, acting, lol) i chicken out dont go ahead with it to save myself from possible embarrassment. My biggest regret is that i didnt stick with dancing, because i love to dance but because i havent danced in so long im scared to walk into a studio where random people go and sucking big time. But i love dancing and i love music and what i watch shows like 'so you think you can dance' its kist makes me think, 'you idiot' but mainly i stopped because i moved schools and i was worried about trying out in front of all new kids that had been in the troupes for years. so again i think its mainly i worry what people think when it comes to my talents (or lack thereof!)

Moving on, younger brother by two years has always been an exhibitionist. walks around the house, outside, nude. loud, crazy and in my opinion stupid. But to everyone else that is signal for 'oh he would make a good actor', yeah maybe if he is in the annoying style of Jim Carrey but never the less he took drama at school and performed monologues to the same style of his personality, crazy, stupid etc.

He resigned himself to the fact that getting into acting would be really hard, nevertheless he is about to undergo a bachelor of arts course at his local uni majoring in Drama. He also somehow knows someone who knows someone who organises the 'extras' for our local soap show which is set at the beach. But now, annoyingly he has sent his picture to the lady who says that he has 'the look' (tall, tan, blonde afro) and wants to see where his acting skills are at.

To put it bluntly i would be so insanely jealous if he got this. I have constantly lived in the shadow of his over zealous personality and this would cause me to be swept under the rug completely. Yes i would love to be a published writer but this is not met with the same enthusiasm from my parents as what my brother being an actor.

I dont want him to get it. I dont want him to have what i think i have more. If i mentioned that i wanted to be an actor my dad would probably tell me to go with it if i wanted. My mother? well she would laugh in my face. She is the one that told me to 'get over' my depression because i 'have nothing to be depressed about'. Im one of those kids that dislikes their mother. We dont get along and she makes me feel like crap.

But still, i dont want him to succeed. it may sound terrible but im sick of him being in the forefront of everything because he doesnt give anyone else an opportunity to look at anyone but him.
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