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Writer's Block: Turn and face the strain

Posted on 2010.04.15 at 23:11
Current Music: Thirty Seconds to Mars - This is War
What is the biggest major life change you've made in the past five years? Do you think it was positive, negative, or neutral?

Haha, i love these things, it gives me things to talk about and im still being honest in a way that a journal needs to be!

Ok, last 5 years? Well in that time i would say that there have been a few major life changes. I graduated school, finished a book, moved in with my dad, saw europe, decided what career path i am going to choose and experienced many new things out in the "real" world.
But not necessarily in that order! lol.

But i think the thing that has been the most life altering for me would have been moving in with my father.
My Dad has a very contrasting personality. On one hand he is a major stress head but he never yells. He is absolutely meticulous but wont get frustrated if my room is messy. He is the funniest person i know but also one of the shyest.
My mum and i have basically the same personalities so when i lived with her we would always clash and fight. Plus she was a single parent of 4 with a tiny income and that also caused more stress. Which in turn caused more rifts between us.

With my Dad i think its been because he has been separated from his kids (we only saw him on weekends growing up) for so long and he only saw us for small amounts of time that he never yells or gets mad at us. He doesnt see the need and he knows it wont get him anywhere.

With my dad nothing is too much for me and my brother. We are his world and he will do anything. Travelling back and forth to get us from mums. Getting us at all hours. And recently while i have been looking for jobs, waiting for over an hour whilst i am in an interview. Yes it is boring for him and yes he probably wishes he was somewhere else but i am his daughter and that is enough reason for him to hang around.
If it were my mother she would have told me to make my own way. She wouldnt even offer. And i know in a sense thats fair enough but its nice to now live somewhere where i dont feel like a burden. My mum would make it so plainly obvious that she didnt want to take us anywhere, make it obvious that it was such a big chore for her and that it was using so much petrol. 
Thankgod the boy got his license as early as he could! haha.

My dad loves me, he tells me that every day. We always give each other hugs and he makes me aware of the fact that he would do anything for me, that i am his princess and while i know my mother loves me and i love her i believe that leaving her was the smartest thing ive ever done. I am happier, i stress less and definately feel like less of a burden.

But in saying that because i have lived away from my father for so long i have also grown away from some of the comfortableness that i have with my mum and my brothers at her place. For instance i would never fart around my father despite he makes a sport out of it! 
The way i am at the two places varies a little. But once again if i was able to go back to when i was 4 years old and my parents split up and i was able to choose which parent i lived with i would chose my father. Every time. I love my mum, but like i said, i dont think i benefited from being brought up by her. She was single without a job and i spent so much of my time just hating her.
My father is a smart man, intellectually and financially and i just think that i would have enjoyed my childhood more was i not worrying about having to look after my brothers or if mum was going to make ends meet this week.

Living with mum was stressful, i still feel it whenever i visit her despite the fact that she is now engaged to a financially stable man.

End of story, i love my dad i love my mum, but the best decision i have made in the last five years was moving from one place to another.

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