September 8th, 2008

I Wonder....

This is just something i through together a while ago probably back in 2006. i was reading thorough my old journals and i came across it. i fall for people pretty easily but these people have to have a big impact on my life. this is basically about this boy who was my best friend and i fell completely in love with him when i was with my current boyfriend. we dont talk anymore because he became someone that i hated. but yet while i dont love him anymore i still feel an incredible amount of pain when it comes to him. so yeah, here it is........

I wonder if you know how you make me feel. This feeling isn't kindness, it isn't hate, and no longer is it love.
so what exactly is it?
I sit here and wonder if i ever really meant anything to you, or if i was just something extra on the side for you. Because thats what i felt like i was after you left me. With no goodbye, no remorse, no sadness. You were gone, and this odd feeling took over me. Id cry till i could barely breath, but somehow happiness was inside of me. Because now i could get over you. To put it simply i fell in love with you and then out very quickly.
I wonder if you know how you made me feel.
Because now you are nothing but a distant memory. a mistake in my past. a mistake that took over my mind... my body... my heart. How can a mistake take over you like that?
Maybe it was because you weren't a mistake. maybe it was because i loved every second in your presence. i love your laugh, your hugs... you.
Ive tried to convince myself that i hate you. that you are the most annoying person in the world. But there is this voice in the back of my head that says 'you're lying'. And maybe its right. that i want you back in my life. because to me, we had something irreplaceable. No one else ive met is like you.
So is it wrong that i miss you? because i do miss you, even if i try not to. i guess there's just something about you.

This is dedicated to my once existent friendship with JP. If he entered the friendship with intentions of breaking my heart... then someone tell him he succeeded.
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