November 19th, 2008

confused

well ive been in the unemployment world for almost 2 weeks now. and no answers have popped into my head. im not stressing less or feeling any better about myself.
i still feel completely down every couple of days with no reasonable explanation. the boy doesnt understand he will just tolerate it until he cracks i suppose. ive been up her for 12 days now and going back to dads this afternoon. which should be interesting. i like being up here cuz there is more to do, the beach my friends. down at dads i can sit on my arse and watch tv, maybe go for a walk but thats about it. my friend that lives down the road works full time so thats a dead end.
i just keep overthinking everything and thats what my main problem is. i stress and i worry for things that arent even necessary. i want to move back up to where my mum is but i dont want to leave my dad. i want to go to uni but i dont know what i want to study and i know how expensive it is. and i can only work part time when im there so thats another three years when i cant move out with the boy. i know i dont have to go to uni but the way that i see it all the things that im interested in, career wise, involve me needing to go to uni. unless i become a paramedic or something but im not really interested in that.
i just want to be able to sit down in a clear peace of mind and have everything sort itself out. no more worrying no more overthinking. at this rate im going to drive everyone i know crazy and the one thing that i love will leave me.
i keep saying to myself that my life would be so much better if i could just be a 19 year old girl but it doesnt do anything. im wasting away my life and thats what is depressing. i need to do something about it now.
but the question is what?