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March 11th, 2010

Writer's Block: Kids or child-free?

Posted on 2010.03.11 at 13:04
Whether you've chosen to have children or live child-free, how and when did you (or will you) reach this decision? If you're in a relationship, did you (or will you) decide separately or together?

I am 20 years old so mostly whenever i say that i dont want kids everyone always says that ill change my mind. Let me put it to you this way. My parents broke up when i was four.
My mum got with a new guy had 2 more kids and they were broken up by the time i was 10. Essentially my mother hasnt had a stable relationship since then (well she's engaged now but since i dont live with her it doesnt count) and so i was relied on to look after my brothers alot. I changed my first nappy when i was 6 and i had to sacrifice alot of my social life to look after my brothers. Now that may seem selfish and it would be if i was annoyed that i had to stay home with the boys and my mum but it sucked because i had to stay at home so my mother could go and meet prospective men that she had met on the internet! Thats what gave me the shits.

My brothers are not behind the reason as to why i dont want kids, i love them so much, but i do believe that i have been a second mother to them since day one and therefore ive already had my share of being a mother.

The main reason i dont want kids is because im selfish i suppose, i want a career, i want to be able to travel and work and do what i want. But if the time came and im 30 and im successful and my husband is successful and we feel like we can do it then who knows, maybe.
Reason number two, i would not be able to live through it if something were to happen to them, an accident, paralysis, death. Or if they were born with it. I would not love them any less but i would not be able to cope, i am way to weak like that
Reason number three. I would want to make sure that i can give them the best upbringing possible. I would want them to have nice things, live in a nice house, have parents that are still together. Im lucky that i dont remember my parents divorce and that they still get along. but its sad that i dont remember them together at all. But it would be worse if they broke up when i was 15 or 30 and they hated each others guts (well actually my dad really doesnt like my mum but he hides that around her).

I love babies, their smell and their funny little facials they are so cute. But between 3 and 8 and then again between 13 and 18 they are the most annoying things on the planet. I hate it when your on a train or something and a kid is just making this god awful noise. Everyone wants the kid to shut up but the mother just ignores it and lets the kid do it. Something like that probably would have annoyed her before she had kids but now that she has them, them making a loud noise is the last of her worries when she has so many other things to worry about. I dont want to be like that. I want to beat those annoying kids senseless! lol. i have no patience for stuff like that. I would be the strictess mum in the world!

Which leads me onto my partner. Babies love him, seriously, babies cry around me, they love him. But he dislikes babies. For no particular reason. He wants to be able to do what he wants so i get that and i agree with him. so we have mutually agreed that we don't want kids but if either of us changes our minds then we will talk about it.

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